When God closes a door, he opens a glycogen window.

Is it just me, or does Eno’s “Deep Blue Day” remind you of the great Christmas carol, “Little Drummer Boy”?

See for yourself.

5 days to go.

I watched a homeless man light up in the subway late last night. Which made me ponder the obvious question: how much sex do homeless people have? And if they are homeless and having sex, does it render them all immediately sex offenders? And if they are committing a crime, how many get arrested/charged?

Just curious.

Having trouble writing an essay? Just stop. Attach this and all will be well.

“Dear Professor,
The things that I understood in this paper were few and far between because I may be slightly retarded. But as we are still looking into it, and results will not be conclusive until after this paper is due, I cannot be held accountable for any of the material. Case and point, I am retarded.
Moving on, I may or may not have farted in a jar and mailed it to your department. If it arrives please be cautious as it may cause fainting, seizures, irritable bowel syndrome, hemorrhoids, assburgers* and a cornucopia of STDs. Open near a window. Make sure all the women and children are covered in cheese cloth as this will act as a filtration system. Please be advised that if you would like another jar, I will be eating more green curry this evening and would be delighted to send some along.
All my best,
____________”