Month: September 2010

A Note On The Ancient And Noble Sport Of Kick Ball

Today as I wandered around the 14th ward of Philadelphia, trying to register voters, I came across a rare but exciting sight: adult team kick ball. Dressed in neon uniforms were not neighborhood children but grown men and women enjoying an involved and exciting game.

Our interaction went as follows:
Me: Good afternoon, great day for a game.
Player 1 (not looking at me): Yeaaahhhhh Meg!!!! Nice one girl! (turning to me) How are you?
Me: Great, thanks. Do you mind my asking but are you registered to vote?
Player 1: Yes of course.
Player 2: We are kick ball players. Of course we are registered to vote.
Me: True, I forgot that rule.
As a reminder to all of you out there about to make the same embarrassing mistake I made, I share this story. People who join an adult kick ball league know their civic duties.

Apples to Apples

The Lower East Side’s “Apple Day” festival lacked the foresight to see how valuable Fiona Apple would have been as the main act. I also sought out anyone wearing apple bottom jeans, to no avail.

And I can say with the utmost certainty, that I was the only person at Apple Day to dare say “How do you like them apples?”
For Shame.

Who Can Run For Senate?

Apparently anybody, as is being demonstrated by Christine O’Donnell, the recently nominated Republican Senate candidate from Delaware.

I too have yet to receive my Bachelor’s degree; I too earned less than $6,000 last year; I too do not own my own house.
So, in lieu of this new information, I hereby announce my decision to run for Senator from Pennsylvania. I will battle Jim Schneller for Tea Party support. And probably beat him because the less you know the more Republicans like you.
Vote Diamond this November. Clarity, Carat, Cut, and Color Guaranteed!

Advice From A Hero Of Our Time

Pechorin is discussing a girl he met in the village of Taman.

“She revealed a good deal of breeding… and breeding in women, as in horses, is a great thing.”

-p. 73, A Hero of Our Time, Mikhail Lermontov, translated by Vladimir Nabokov
One need only glance at the countenance of either Diamond or Gem to know that like the best horses, we too reveal a great deal of carefully conducted breeding. Like the finest vintage Burgundy, or the softest Florentine leather, we were achieved through many millenia of rigorous cultivation and scrupulous attention to detail.