Author: Diamond

Master of dis' Mover and Shaker Topiaress

Who Can Run For Senate?

Apparently anybody, as is being demonstrated by Christine O’Donnell, the recently nominated Republican Senate candidate from Delaware.

I too have yet to receive my Bachelor’s degree; I too earned less than $6,000 last year; I too do not own my own house.
So, in lieu of this new information, I hereby announce my decision to run for Senator from Pennsylvania. I will battle Jim Schneller for Tea Party support. And probably beat him because the less you know the more Republicans like you.
Vote Diamond this November. Clarity, Carat, Cut, and Color Guaranteed!

Advice From A Hero Of Our Time

Pechorin is discussing a girl he met in the village of Taman.

“She revealed a good deal of breeding… and breeding in women, as in horses, is a great thing.”

-p. 73, A Hero of Our Time, Mikhail Lermontov, translated by Vladimir Nabokov
One need only glance at the countenance of either Diamond or Gem to know that like the best horses, we too reveal a great deal of carefully conducted breeding. Like the finest vintage Burgundy, or the softest Florentine leather, we were achieved through many millenia of rigorous cultivation and scrupulous attention to detail.

Some Words From His Excellency, Rufus T. Firefly

 

 

 

 

 

 

Margaret Dumont: I’ve sponsored your appointment because I feel that you are the most able statesman in all Fredonia.

Groucho Marx: Well that covers a lot of ground. Say you cover a lot of ground yourself. You better beat it. I hear their gonna tear you down and put up an office building where you’re standing. You can leave in a taxi. If you can’t leave in a taxi you can leave in a huff. If that’s too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know you haven’t stopped talking since I came here. You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.

 

A New Major For Gem

Now not announcing Gem’s new major: Reverse Psychology!

She will not be pursuing a career in any field related to the cognitive sciences. In fact, she has no interest in any of the social or natural sciences. Nonetheless, she has not chosen to switch her major in the hopes of not learning more about neural processes. Her lack of interest in any analysis or interpretation of thoughts or emotion makes her the least perfect candidate for this area of study.
Please don’t wish her luck.