Tired of lugging around your Kindle, Nook or other cumbersome e-reader? Feel embarrassed and out of date pulling out a bound volume?

Well Memorandum in Tandem is here to introduce the latest in literary technology.

Lil’ books

Lil’ Books allows you, the reader, to carry up to 5 books in your very pocket. With these hand made leather bound books, you will be able to read anywhere and have a whole encyclopedia at your finger tips. No need to charge or update these Lil’ Books, as they will always work, provided you have the proper reader glasses of 100x magnification. No more tapping on a screen and eye fatigue from the harsh glow. Now your eye fatigue will simply come from reading actual text on a page so small, only 3 tiny bees can sit on it at once.

Order yours now for $500 + shipping and handling from MemoinTando@gmail.com

Glasses, hand and bees not included.

Local woman, Beth Harrow, 46, has always been of the mind, ‘don’t believe everything you read,’ until now. After discovering an article entitled, “The 6th Extinction: Are We Next?” Harrow began saying her goodbyes and getting her affairs in order. “Well if I’m on the way out, I just want to make sure I tell my parents how much I love them. Life was pretty cool.” Harrow has decided to stay at home until the extinction takes place. “It could be any day now, so I’m just gonna get comfy and wait. I’ve already closed out all my banks accounts, cashed in my retirement and bought one of those sleep number beds.” Harrow now spends her days with the radio and television on at all times, “I know that one of these days, they will sound the alarm and say, ‘it’s happening’ and I don’t want to miss it.” When asked if she misses her life outside of her home she said “Some days I stand at the window and watch kids playing outside in the neighborhood and I just feel bad for them – obviously their parents are just keeping this horrible news from them. They will probably be the first to go.”

Down with Pussy and up with Vagina: A Return to lingua

Recent studies suggest that the word “vagina” is in fact a linguistic anomaly, one that the human mouth is incapable of uttering. It seems both men and women alike are suffering from an inability to form the shapes and produce the sounds necessary to articulate this word.

Dr. Alfred Irvingson of Manna University reports that ” something occurs deep within the ‘vag’ and ‘ina,’ creating a vacuum.  The speaker is rendered silent and forced to search for a word the mouth can actually fit around. The result is similar to a stutter. Many find  the word ‘pussy’ has a more readily accessible feeling in the mouth.  This inability to say the word ‘vagina’ is both a physiological and psychological affliction. My colleagues and I are currently looking into it, deeply. We are researching available treatments in the hopes of bringing the majority of people up to speed with the proper latin vernacular.”

We went to the public to see how people were coping with this terrible loss of lingua. A local high school girl, said she’s never heard of the word “vagina.” When asked to read the word off a card, she looked at it and said, “is that in Canada?…I dunno how to pronounce that.” We then interviewed a housewife, who said in horror, “my mother used to say that word…I wasn’t quite sure if I could…it seemed to take a lot of willpower, and it always embarrassed me.” When asked if she knew what a “pussy” was she responded, “Oh yea! That’s what my husband calls my [expletive]”

It appears that until we find a cure for this devastating disorder, we will look to those in the medical profession to say the word for us. Studies have found that those with M.D’s have a preternatural ability to utter the word “vagina” without experiencing any sort of pain or psychological damage.

I woke up this morning to an unusual feeling. My head felt completely empty.

As I turned over the lip of my bed, I noticed a strange glob of grey goop on the floor.

My pillow was wet. There was what appeared to be a snail trail from my pillow to the floor.

I lifted my hand to my head, and felt a lightness, a hollowness that had not been there.

I immediately worried how I was going to be able to go to work without my brain intact. But then I remembered that I didn’t frequently use my brain at work and would probably be okay.

It then occurred to me that I was still somehow able to have these thoughts and worries, all the while my brain sat soaking into my beautiful pastel carpet.

I arose, careful not to step in the goop, for fear of permanent damage to most valuable thing I posses.

Walking with no brain was something to get used to, as it seemed aimless and lacking any balance.

I went into the kitchen to find a spatula and a zip-lock bag. I discovered I was unfortunately out of zip lock bags – as I remembered I had stopped buying them in an effort to rid my life of plastic and do my part to save the environment. But now I really needed one.

I got the spatula and found some tin foil.

I walked back over to my carpet, where my brain sat looking sad and defeated.

“Why did you try to escape?” I asked my brain.

There was no response.

“Am I not exciting enough for you?” I asked.

A bubble in the goop rose from somewhere deep in my brain to the surface and popped.

I took that as a yes. I sat for awhile with my brain – unaware that I was getting increasingly late for work.

Hours went by as I sat staring at my brain.

“I see what you mean” I told my brain.

I finally scooped up my brain and put it in a large piece of tin foil.

“I’ll have to sort this out after work” I told my brain.

I got up off the floor, put my brain in my purse, grabbed my keys and left for work.

I don’t understand, why not chief commander? Is the commander inside of the chief? And if so, who is the chief? Is there more than one?

Are these the same guys we stole all this land from? He’s probably not happy about our president being inside him.

Or are there a bunch of chiefs, and to succeed you have to find one and get inside him?

Is it the same chief the editors are in?

How can I get inside a chief?

Is there any room left?

Far too often I enter a restaurant and feel, there just aren’t enough breasts here. Unless, of course, I’m at hooters– which I frequently am.

As the most budding entrepreneurs of our generation, highly sought after by a slew of important people, Diamond and Gem have once again been commissioned for a great and exciting project. We have been told by many in the food industry that what we hope to accomplish is an impossible feat. Diamond and Gem have spent months preparing the menu and design for their new restaurant, based on an age old concept, tried and true.

Topless Tapas

It seems as though our server here at Memorandum in Tandem was prey to the deadly Y2K virus, causing us to completely miss our 4 year anniversary.

It seems as though our server here at Memorandum in Tandem fell prey to the deadly Y2K virus, causing us to completely miss our one year anniversary. Our interns and IT department are working around the clock to fix the situation…