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Advice From A Hero Of Our Time

Pechorin is discussing a girl he met in the village of Taman.

“She revealed a good deal of breeding… and breeding in women, as in horses, is a great thing.”

-p. 73, A Hero of Our Time, Mikhail Lermontov, translated by Vladimir Nabokov
One need only glance at the countenance of either Diamond or Gem to know that like the best horses, we too reveal a great deal of carefully conducted breeding. Like the finest vintage Burgundy, or the softest Florentine leather, we were achieved through many millenia of rigorous cultivation and scrupulous attention to detail.

Old News

A few months ago I took a trip to Canada.

At the border we decided to stop at the bathrooms on the Canadian Side.
In each stall there was a sign that read, “Do not flush foreign objects.”
This made me stop and ponder a bit.
Are not mine as good as theirs?

Some Words From His Excellency, Rufus T. Firefly

 

 

 

 

 

 

Margaret Dumont: I’ve sponsored your appointment because I feel that you are the most able statesman in all Fredonia.

Groucho Marx: Well that covers a lot of ground. Say you cover a lot of ground yourself. You better beat it. I hear their gonna tear you down and put up an office building where you’re standing. You can leave in a taxi. If you can’t leave in a taxi you can leave in a huff. If that’s too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know you haven’t stopped talking since I came here. You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.

 

Coke, Pot, or Meth?

The Game Show Network, under new management, has intelligently decided to make the youth demographic its new target. With this difficult endeavor, they have commissioned us to create a pilot for a new game show. They asked for something flashy, something colorful, something cool. We told them to fuck off.

…But after considerable negotiation, we have done the impossible. We have created, an untitled, unreleased, uncut pilot that successfully gets your juices flowing. A show of gigantic proportions. A show of serious mind altering content.

The show will consist of three volunteers. There are then at least three contestants, and of course the host. Before the start of the show, each volunteer will be given a different illicit substance (i.e. Heroin, LSD, PCP, Marijuana, Peyote, etc…) The point of the game is for each contestant to observe the symptoms of each volunteer and guess which drug he or she has taken.

The Daily Double, if you will, is when each volunteer receives two different drugs and the contestants must guess the combo.

We have a feeling this show is going to be a smash hit, and will return the Game Show Network to its former glory.

*in partnership with D.A.R.E. (Drug Abuse Resistance Education)