No Apologies

After missing the entire month of January, Diamond and Gem want all our devoted followers to know…we have forgotten you.

Luckily, today I remembered you all.
Diamond has been busy. And I have been lazy.
I predict that this weekend a new cream poem may be added to our repertoire.
Stay tuned. Even when we forget about you.

Art Reclaimed

One night, back in 2009, Diamond and Gem met in a dark computer lab. In quiet secrecy, they drew each other in most serious earnestness. Gazing into the other’s eyes, each described with pen and ink that which was true within her own eye. And behold! A masterpiece!

Peek-A-Boo
As I sat on the subway staring at my reflection –my favorite passtime– in the empty advertisement display case, it dawned on me, as things often do, that widow peaks are a rare and undervalued commodity in this day and age.
I understand that it is genetics which provides us lucky individuals with the edgy hairline secretly envied by many, but it seems tragic to see the rounded hairlines of the masses.
This makes me wonder, what does it all mean? Are those with widows peaks gifted with some unique potential? Do widows peaks innately hold beauty or are they simply bestowed on already beautiful people?
So many questions with so few answers…
I believe it is my duty as a self proclaimed “widowpeaker” to follow in the legacy of the great widowpeakers before me. I think we all know the admirable man of whom I speak…

The_Munsters_Butch_Patrick_1965

Just as I have remarked on the absence of the Donner Party from the public eye, so too do I feel a void of widows peaks.

We Love Answers! Especially for Questions We Thought We Knew the Answers To

In 1970, a new group of feminists calling themselves the Radicalesbians answered a question many had been, and still are, asking:

What is a lesbian?
“A lesbian is the rage of all women condensed to the point of explosion.”
 
Savor this definition, for it is unlikely that it will be published anywhere else. It is rare that one finds something so profound and simultaneously unhelpful. Except on this most excellent of blogs where we serve up such offerings on a regular basis.

A Note On The Ancient And Noble Sport Of Kick Ball

Today as I wandered around the 14th ward of Philadelphia, trying to register voters, I came across a rare but exciting sight: adult team kick ball. Dressed in neon uniforms were not neighborhood children but grown men and women enjoying an involved and exciting game.

Our interaction went as follows:
Me: Good afternoon, great day for a game.
Player 1 (not looking at me): Yeaaahhhhh Meg!!!! Nice one girl! (turning to me) How are you?
Me: Great, thanks. Do you mind my asking but are you registered to vote?
Player 1: Yes of course.
Player 2: We are kick ball players. Of course we are registered to vote.
Me: True, I forgot that rule.
As a reminder to all of you out there about to make the same embarrassing mistake I made, I share this story. People who join an adult kick ball league know their civic duties.

Apples to Apples

The Lower East Side’s “Apple Day” festival lacked the foresight to see how valuable Fiona Apple would have been as the main act. I also sought out anyone wearing apple bottom jeans, to no avail.

And I can say with the utmost certainty, that I was the only person at Apple Day to dare say “How do you like them apples?”
For Shame.

Who Can Run For Senate?

Apparently anybody, as is being demonstrated by Christine O’Donnell, the recently nominated Republican Senate candidate from Delaware.

I too have yet to receive my Bachelor’s degree; I too earned less than $6,000 last year; I too do not own my own house.
So, in lieu of this new information, I hereby announce my decision to run for Senator from Pennsylvania. I will battle Jim Schneller for Tea Party support. And probably beat him because the less you know the more Republicans like you.
Vote Diamond this November. Clarity, Carat, Cut, and Color Guaranteed!